All my life I have struggled with anxiety and depression, feelings of loneliness and feelings of low self-worth. It can be debilitating at times, and often my anxiety and fear consume me. I cry out to God, “Please, help me!” I pray, sometimes literally on my knees, begging for relief, for guidance, for strength, and for peace.
God doesn’t always answer my prayers with any of those things, at least not in the way I expect him to. Instead, He often escalates things, pushing me, challenging me yet never quite breaking me. Sometimes my peace comes in the form of a sermon, a song on the radio, a bible study that I am days behind on but somehow this day I needed to hear those words. Sometimes that answer comes in the form of being thrust into a leadership role for which I feel utterly and inadequately unprepared and finding that God provides the guidance for which I was seeking by trusting in him and allowing His will to be done.
I am often overwhelmed, overbooked, and unprepared for life. I often feel like I am spinning, spiraling out of control and I lash out at everything in my way and everyone who simply wants to help me. Sometimes the darkness envelopes me, suffocating me, and I feel alone and helpless; But my God is with me through it all, He has loved me even in my darkest hour. Despite how hard I try to “do better” to “be better” I often lose sight of the fact that God loves me not because of the good that I do or in spite of the bad, He loves me wholly and unconditionally because I am HIS.
If you are struggling through the darkness, do not lose sight of the fact that God loves YOU, not because of what you do, but because you are HIS.